Ask the Little Bald Bastard

Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  If you could be Madonna from any pop-culture time period, which would you be?
- Desperately Seeking Something
Dear Desperately,
  That's a tough call. There's the early "frilly white dress and innocent sexuality" Madonna. There's the "I'd really like to be Marilyn Monroe" Madonna. Most recently, there's the "I'm so happy to be a British mum" Madonna.
  I think, though, that I'm holding out for "dried-up old crone" Madonna. If she has any decency at all, she'll stop performing in public. If not, then watching her drag her craggy ass around a stage like Mick Jagger's little sister will be pathetic enough to be a must-see.