Inelegant, Inefficient, Intelligent?

  If you've ever suspected that the complexity and perfection of the human body are evidence that it must have been deliberately sculpted by an intelligent hand, I'd like to introduce you to the epiglottis. It's a small flap of cartilage in the back of your throat, that hangs out just behind your tongue. When you swallow, it lays down to block off the opening to your larynx, directing food and liquids into your esophagus, and away from the "gas only" zone that is your lungs.

  If something did deliberately design human anatomy, it made the choice to channel all the normal states of matter through a single space, with only a small flap of mucous-covered cartilage to play traffic cop between the lungs and the stomach. It's both needlessly complex and downright dangerous. Building separate, dedicated pathways for breathing and swallowing would have been simpler, and far less prone to catastrophic failure.

  If the human body were intelligently designed, Dr. Heimlich would have died in obscurity.

Seven Year Bitch

  Despite millennia of being consistently mistaken, charlatans and true believers alike continue to predict that the end of the world is just around the corner. The latest entry in the Book Of Inevitable Failure comes from pastor Mark Biltz, of El Shaddai Ministries in Bonney Lake, Wash. Pastor Biltz has determined that a series of lunar eclipses that will appear in 2015 are a likely herald of the long awaited second coming. Why? Because they happen to fall on the same days as his religious festivals.(video)

  This prediction has all the classic elements. Regular, predictable astronomical phenomena, reference to vague bible verses, coincidental timing with arbitrarily dated church holidays, current political unrest and enough wishful thinking to kill a yak at 20 paces.

  My favorite part of this whole scenario is that Hal Lindsey, crackpot and lifetime member of the failed prophets club, dismisses Biltz's theory as "pure speculation." Talk about the 100% non-reflective surface calling the kettle black.

  Someone remind me to send Mr. Biltz a postcard in 2016. I'm sure I'll be way too busy not burning in hell to remember by myself.

Question #126: National Day Of Wasted Breath

Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  How are you going to celebrate the national day of Prayer?
- Belief/relief

Dear Belief/relief,
  In the classic Christian tradition of co-opting other people's holidays (and crotch-punching the First Amendment's Establishment Clause), U.S. evangelicals have managed to shove poor, neglected May Day 2008 aside in favor of a federally sponsored day for people of faith to beseech their favorite deity. This putatively ecumenical event has been entirely hijacked by evangelical Christians, led by Focus on The Family's Shirley Dobson. Dobson heads the National Day of Prayer Task Force, and requires all of her coordinators to sign a statement explicitly stating belief that Jesus was both a ghost AND a zombie.

  I'm going to spend my day like I spend any other. I'll be angry that the rights of those who opt out of the supernatural aren't as important as those of believers. I'll be appalled at how tolerance of diverse faiths doesn't apply to people who place their faith in the natural rather than the fantastic. I'll be aghast at this country's sad, greasy slide toward outright theocracy. Most of all, I'll wish I was surprised by any of it.