Ask the Little Bald Bastard

Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  I enjoy Taco Bell's bean burritos because they're fast, cheap, and tasty. The thing is, every time I eat them, they disrupt my digestive system and turn my intestines into angry, quivering tubes full of toxic poop. What should I do?
-Runs For the Border
Dear Runs,
  You have a few options here.
1) Supermodel Diet: Eat as much as you want, and then puke it all back up before it has a chance to malign your digestive tract or your waistline.
2) Night-Before-Prom Diet: Chew as much as you want, but don't swallow. (Sometimes referred to as the Blowjob Gone Wrong.)
3) Glutton For Punishment Diet: If you can't quite keep yourself from indulging fully in pseudo-Mexican goodness, simply amuse yourself by leaving a major watery bowel movement in your neighbors' litter box. Sit back and watch the hilarity ensue as they try to figure out how that came out of poor Fluffy.