Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  Okay, so how do you break it down to a roommate that no, you don't wanna experiment and thank you-but uh...you don't really need to have gay sex with them to become closer?
-John Smith
Dear Obvious Psuedonym,
  It depends the reaction you expect to receive. If your roommate is reasonable, then simply confront him honestly. If you expect tears and a tantrum, try telling him just before you go away for the weekend. If he's a loner with an extensive collection of guns, get used to putting out.

Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  Which is worse, loading a newborn feet first into a blender to make baby smoothies OR grinding up a couple old people to make sausage?
- Worse Witch
Dear Worse,
  It depends. Is the baby already dead? Are the old people war criminals? If you really want to put me in a moral bind, you'll have to be much more specific.

Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  What was your best hallucination?
- Trippin' Curious
Dear T.C.,
  That one where Satan took me up on that mountain, and he showed me the whole world, and said I could rule it all if I'd only swear allegiance to him. That one was sweet.
  Wait, was that me? I can never remember...

Dear LBB,
  Why don't girls take shits?
- Scatologist
Dear Scatologist,
  I was once read the riot act by an old girlfriend for asking the very same question. While her response was harsh and belittling to my manhood, it boiled down to two points.
1) Girls don't "shit," they "defecate."
2) As far as I was concerned, she didn't defecate, either.
  After she dumped me, I spent many months scanning the newspaper in hopes of reading about her inevitable death from exploding intestines. Alas, it never happened.

Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  Jigga what?
- Boro Thug
Dear Boro Thug,
  You've got me. I'm stumped.

Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  What if God smoked cannabus (sic)?
- Jesus Stole My Stash
Dear J.S.M.S,
  It wouldn't be that odd, really. If you ascribe to the New Testament assertion that Jesus was, in fact, God, then it isn't all that big a stretch to see God as a wandering hippie. He certainly drank enough wine, and in the Gospel of Mark he spends 40 days in the desert hallucinating. Whether he was tripping on something, or just freaking out because he hadn't eaten for over a month is a matter for some debate, but God certainly has a history of experiencing altered states of consciousness. And that's ignoring the obvious platypus joke.

Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  If you consume 32 ounces of strawberry-banana smoothies, what's the worst thing that can happen to you?
- Smoothie Addict
Dear Smoothie Addict,
  Probably paying $4.00 for a drink that you could make at home by spending 30 seconds to blend 75 cents worth of ingredients.

Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  How much is that doggy in the window (Woof Woof), the one with the with the waggily tail?
- The Slut Boat
Dear Slut Boat,
  Relatively inexpensive, until you figure in the cost of food, trips to the vet, and having your furniture reupholstered after your excitable new puppy decides to let you know how happy he is to see you by showering an entire room with urine. Then again, balanced against the type of unconditional love that you'll never receive from any human being, a couch that smells like pee might not be so bad.