Ask the Little Bald Bastard

Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  How much is that doggy in the window (Woof Woof), the one with the with the waggily tail?
- The Slut Boat
Dear Slut Boat,
  Relatively inexpensive, until you figure in the cost of food, trips to the vet, and having your furniture reupholstered after your excitable new puppy decides to let you know how happy he is to see you by showering an entire room with urine. Then again, balanced against the type of unconditional love that you'll never receive from any human being, a couch that smells like pee might not be so bad.