Suburban Panic!

10 November 2002

Dear LBB,
  Why don't girls take shits?
- Scatologist
Dear Scatologist,
  I was once read the riot act by an old girlfriend for asking the very same question. While her response was harsh and belittling to my manhood, it boiled down to two points.
1) Girls don't "shit," they "defecate."
2) As far as I was concerned, she didn't defecate, either.
  After she dumped me, I spent many months scanning the newspaper in hopes of reading about her inevitable death from exploding intestines. Alas, it never happened.

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