Question #123: Bile Expelled

Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  Why haven't you been screaming off the top of your lungs about this Expelled movie? It looks like something that would really wind you up.
- TooDo0od

Dear TooDo0od,
  Sure enough, I have been keeping a quivering, rage-filled eye on the marketing of Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed. If you've just gotten Internet access in your cave, Expelled is an odious piece of creationist propaganda that purports to uncover a vast conspiracy by "Big Science" that keeps legitimate evidence for "Intelligent" Design out of the science classroom, and ruins the careers of innocent scientists who dare to question the "Darwinist" regime.

  The exploits of the movie's producers are legendary and widely documented. They lied to secure the participation of prominent science advocates like Richard Dawkins, PZ Myers and Eugenie Scott. They prevented Myers from attending a screening, and then lied about why they did it. They've packed screenings with creationist wonks, while trying to exclude legitimate film critics.

  The film appears to be as incompetent as its producers. It quickly abandons its central thesis in favor of a ridiculous (and entirely ahistorical) attempt to blame Charles Darwin for the Holocaust and Stalinism. It tries (and fails) to cast Ben "Bueller..." Stein as a right-wing Michael Moore. It gets wrong basic facts about the scientists whose careers it purports to defend, and about the evolutionary science that it blames for all the world's ills. And apparently, it's an all around amateur mess.

  All of this is tangential, though, to the actual question. Why haven't I weighed in on the controversy surrounding the movie? Why wouldn't I go all head-splodey over a creationist flick that claims scientists are conspiring to keep "Intelligent" Design out of science and science education, and that other researchers are losing their jobs for taking "I"D seriously?

  It's true that the controversy has been thoroughly dissected by just about every blogger with an interest in science or religion. I doubt my contribution to the general chatter will be at all interesting or enlightening. But that's not the real reason. The real reason...

  I wish they were right.

  "Intelligent" Design is a non-testable, non-falsifiable hypothesis, for which not one shred of verifiable evidence has ever been discovered. It's entirely based on the ignorance and misunderstanding of fools, who believe that their inability to comprehend the details of evolution means that their idea must be better. Their whole argument consists of pointing out parts of evolutionary theory that haven't quite been ironed out, and pretending that those wrinkles support their nonsensical alternative.

  Call it Creationism, call it "Intelligent" Design, call it Magic Dancing Deity Jizz - call it whatever you want. It's NOT. FUCKING. SCIENCE.

  I would love it if real scientists had the necessary combination of will, clout and impressive genitalia that it would take to grind this nonsense out of science education once and for all. Every time I read about another school board trying to inject religion into public science education in the guise of a non-existent scientific controversy, I want to take a road trip just so that I can throw up all over the officials responsible. I want to force feed them pages of the Kitzmiller v. Dover opinion, brand the First Amendment on their chests, and then vomit on them until they resign.

  I would also be just fine with the summary firing of any scientist whose grasp of the scientific method is so tenuous that he or she agrees with Creationist arguments as they're currently framed. If you want to be a scientist who believes in "Intelligent" Design, fine. But you damn well better come up with evidence to support your argument, or be willing to check your faith at the laboratory door. Science, REAL science, is all about evidence and examination, and letting other scientists test your conclusions to their limits. If you can't handle that, you're not a scientist, and you should go get a job with the Discovery Institute.

  So there you go. I've held off on mentioning the whole Expelled mess because, in my cold, dark, secret heart, I wish that they had a valid point. If anybody actually read my blog, I'm sure I'd be in for criticism for fueling their righteous fire. (As if these hacks had gathered anything remotely flammable on their own.)

  I'm going to slither off my soapbox now, but I want to say one last thing. Mr. Stein, show us one, ONE piece of evidence, ONE THING that is not a straw man swipe at Darwin or a ridiculous conflation of evolution with genocide. Show us that one piece of evidence, or shut your fucking lie hole.