Ask the Little Bald Bastard

Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  Why won't they let me sleep?
- Fatigued in Fishtown
Dear Fatigued,
  They're only after your sweet eye juices. That's what crows need to give them the strength to lift roadkill twice their size. Distract them with a freshly squished opossum, or a plate of mummified ferret. Otherwise, prepare to surrender your precious bodily fluids to the rapacious avian scourge.
  Or, just close your window at night.