Ask the Little Bald Bastard

Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  If it's a dog-eat-dog world, then is it okay to eat my best friend?
- Ralph
Dear Ralph,
  Don't you know anything? This is America. In America, the dog never dies! The next time you find yourself stranded in the wilderness with your best friend, starvation breathing down your neck, remember this; if your best friend is the kid who grew up next door, then by all means, chow down. If your best friend is a terrier named Dodger, you'll just have to starve. After all, what good is surviving, only to be beaten to death by outraged pet lovers upon your return to civilization?