Question #109:

Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  What would you do if I was furiously fisting myself all the time?
- Cavernous Vag

Dear Cavernous Vag,
  I'd recommend a water-based lubricant. Preferably, something sold by the gallon and dispensed with a garden hose.

  I'd also suggest buying yourself a webcam. If you're constantly elbow-deep in your own fun bits, it might be tough to keep a day job. Selling subscriptions to the live video feed of your arm disappearing into your distended pelvis might help you pay the bills.