Ask the Little Bald Bastard

MySpace validates its existence, with a question coughed up from the Ask LBB Friend Space.

Dear LBB,
  What's the deal with French Canadians?
- Erin

Dear Erin,
  Canada is the pudgy sixth grade hall monitor of the western world. Grown-ups are always complimenting it on being polite and well-mannered, but when it tries to warn the bigger kids against running in the hall, they just laugh.

  The French, on the other hand, are the awkward, angry kids smoking cigarettes and making out behind the bleachers. Napoleon inflated their already considerable egos, and they've muddled through 200 years of republics trying to simultaneously pretend that they didn't enjoy being the center of an empire, and they didn't mind being rolled over every time some other country decided it was their turn to conquer Europe. Picture these kids who are too cool for school living in a nation full of polite, mild-mannered honor roll students. It's the sociological version of a John Hughes movie, and it goes a long way toward explaining why Quebec has such a secessionist bug up its ass.