How To Hate The Internet
A Young Lady's Primer
1. Receive Friend Request from stranger on fucking MySpace.
2. View suspiciously professional looking headshot.
3. Suspect spambot.
4. Attempt to discern if requester is a real person; open requester's profile.
5. Forget that speakers are powered on.
6. Claw frantically at head as horrible, grating pop song, obnoxious, eye-watering layout and promises of "more naughtier pics at my site" cause brainmeats to sublimate and stream from head holes.
7. Wait for seizures to abate.
8. Decline Friend Request.
Suburban Panic!
15 April 2007
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