Ask the Little Bald Bastard

Today was dancing kids day...
  I know, I missed the memo too. But it was happening too damn frequently to be a coincidence, so I can only assume that the Deptford Mall was holding some sort of event for dancing, 6-and-under epileptics. The only other explanation is that someone has invented a dog whistle which only young children can hear, that makes them shimmy rather than sit or heel.
  They were everywhere. This one's groovin' in the aisle, these two are shakin' it in the archway, this one is doing what can only be described as a sideways moonwalk. On my way to the Food Court for lunch, I saw a child who was attempting to swim the 100 meter freestyle standing up. He was bent at the waist, kicking his legs behind him and waving his arm (the one that his mother wasn't using to drag junior Mark Spitz down the hall) with a determined scooping motion. I was sort of hoping the kid would wriggle out of his mother's grip, just so I could find out whether he would actually lie down on the floor or just lean forward far enough that he'd fall and bust his nose wide open on the shiny white linoleum. Alas, his mother held fast, so I only got to see him kick hard enought to lose a shoe. And it didn't even hit anyone. *sigh*