Ask the Little Bald Bastard

Speaking of the Emmys...
  There is one thing that I have to credit the Emmy awards people with, that I think makes an awful lot of sense. It's the separation of the Primetime and Daytime Emmys.
  I'm sure, if you asked, the Emmy people would tell you that it's necessary to hold two ceremonies because of the vast amount of programming available on a 24 hour television schedule. My theory is that, despite the general lousiness of television, the staff of the National Television Academy are self-aware enough to realize that the really crap TV is on during the day.
  This might work in other arenas as well. There could be a second big football game in January, (I'm tentatively calling it the Stupor Bowl) which would decide who was the official worst team in a given season. There'd be play-ons, where you had to advance to the next round if you lost.

 "You wanna be home for Christmas?" Coach shouted, spittle flying through the air and misting on Johnson's shoulder pads. "Then you'd damn well better win, and prove that we're only the eighth worst team in this league! Otherwise, we're gonna be losin' until the end of January!"

  There are already places where the worst stuff gets acknowledged, such as the Darwin Awards or the Golden Raspberries. But I think it's much more effective when the organization or industry itself sequesters a group of its members, thereby tacitly admitting that they're second-class participants. Good for you, Emmy Awards!
  There's one other organization that I think would really benefit from such a straightforward reclassification of a section of its participants. Yes, AMPAS, I'm looking right at you. In my opinion, the Academy Awards committee should acknowledge what the rest of us already know by creating a Summer Movie Academy Awards. There could be awards for the most creative use of explosive devices, most excessive use of nudity, and most Matrix-esque special effect. They could recognize and reward the qualities that send these films into the box-office stratosphere in the first place.
  Of course, now that I've wasted your time and mine on this little diatribe, it occurs to me that there already is a "Crap Oscars." It's called the MTV Music Awards, and every year it proves that MTV is just as discerning about film as it is about music.