Ask the Little Bald Bastard

Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  Whose face would you least like to see on a t-shirt?
- Rabid Silk Screener
Dear Rabid,
  Mine in the morning. Between the pillow creases and the drool, my freshly-wakened mug looks like something you’d scrape off the bottom of a sewage treatment worker’s hip-waders.