Ask the Little Bald Bastard

Dear Bastard:
  I'm getting married next year and need to make a few extra bucks. Do you think I would make a suitable addition to my local tittie bar?
- Shaking my Money Maker
Dear Shaking,
  As long as you have the required mammaries and the slimmest grasp of rythmic dancing, I don't see how you can lose. Give a man a few beers, and he'll stuff a dollar in the thong of even the skankiest ho. You might want to check with your fiancee on this, though. If he shows up with his buddies for the bachelor party and finds you leaving a slime trail down a fireman's pole, he might start having second thoughts.