Question #118: Unidentified ≠ Alien
Dear Little Bald Bastard,
Do you think those people down in Texas really saw a UFO?
- Scott Baio Gave Me Pinkeye
Dear Scott Baio Gave Me Pinkeye,
I have absolutely no doubt that people in Stephenville, Texas did see several UFOs on the night of January 8th. I am, however, just as certain that they didn't see a spaceship full of aliens out for a night of "probe the redneck."
The key is the U in "UFO." To belabor the point just a bit, it stands for "unidentified." I'll spare you the dictionary definition, but it's worth pointing out that any object or light in the sky that the viewer can't place is a UFO. I'd bet that the nearly every person in the industrialized world has, at some point, seen something in the sky and not been quite clear as to what that something was. Yet there has never been any compelling evidence of extraterrestrial visitation.
It's a pet peeve of mine that "unidentified" has become popular shorthand for "alien." Despite the squawking of true believers, nobody has ever produced evidence for alien origin of UFOs. Read up on any major UFO sighting, and you'll find a perfectly rational, and entirely mundane, explanation. Lo and behold, the Air Force Reserve has confirmed that ten F-16 fighter jets from the 301st Fighter Wing at the Naval Air Station Fort Worth Joint Reserve were conducting training flights over North Central Texas that night.
It's unfortunate that the Air Force Reserve initially disclaimed any military aircraft activity in the area. Doubtless the conspiracy theorists will seize on this revision as "evidence" that the government is covering up something it doesn't want us to know about. This might seem odd to you, the rational reader, but I promise it will happen. It takes a special kind of crazy to believe in a government conspiracy to cover up the truth about alien visitors. National governments are large, unwieldy organizations. They employ multitudes of personnel who rate at all levels of incompetence. The idea that even the most ruthlessly efficient national government could successfully suppress such a sensational revelation is just silly. The idea that the same government which brought you Watergate, Filegate and countless other -gate suffixed scandals could keep a lid on such big news is unfathomably absurd.
Supposed extraterrestrial hijinks always make a little sad, and a lot purple-faced with rage. I'm a sci-fi geeeeek. I want so hard for intelligent alien life to be real, and for interstellar travel to be practical. To my continued frustration, we've found no evidence to suggest that either of these things is true. Whenever I read about a kerfluffle involving odd lights in the sky, a small part of me dares to hope that this will be the time when it turns out to be something truly exciting. 'Tis a small hope, repeatedly dashed. It's annoying that credulous assbaskets can't stop setting me up for disappointment. It's infuriating that paranoid nutbags retreat to insane theories about covert shenanigans, rather than dealing with the woe like the rest of us. I can only hope that, if the aliens ever show up and start handing out anal probes, they start with this guy.
3 comments:
One night, about 15 years ago, my best friend called me at home and said, "look out your window, towards downtown, and tell me what you see." So, I looked out the window, and a few seconds later, I see this zippy little light, which hovered and darted like nothing I had ever see before. It gave me goosebumps. And it did so silently. So, I tell me friend, "I see something moving, but I don't have any idea what it is." And he says, "Good, then it's not only me." So, I sit and watch this UFO for quite some time, over ten minutes, then it zipped away.
It was a UFO. No doubt. But you are absolutely correct about it not being E.T. There is no reason to believe that this thing that I and my friend saw was from outer space, and a thousand good reasons to believe it was from earth. I'm quite satisfied not having the real answer to what I saw that night.
Unfortunately, so many people want to believe. They want to see something special, some alien being from another world, when just seeing unexplained dancing lights is special enough.
I appreciate that thought. If only everyone was as rational as yourself...
WHAT???? You mean there's no E.T. after all!!! I feel jipped.
But yes, you hit the nail on the head with this one. Thank you for clarifying that the U does not equal alien in "unidentified". Roswell is taking notes for their future press releases.
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