Ask the Little Bald Bastard

Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  Whats with that outfit?
- judge mental

Dear judge mental,
  My wife says I dress like a homeless man getting drunk on his way to church. Since "Surly Internet Columnist" currently pays about as much as drinking Mad Dog out of a paper-bag-covered bottle at 9 am on a Sunday, I'd say it's appropriate.

  I like to think of myself as "fashiunconscious." I buy most of my clothing off the rack at thrift stores, and I use it in an almost purely functional way. It regulates my body temperature, holds my keys and covers the bits of me that I'm legally prohibited from waving at strangers on the subway. Plus, the more time I waste trying to piece together "outfits" that "match" and don't cause "hysterical blindness," the less time I have for making up clever terms like "fashiunconscious."

fashiunconscious © LBB 2007, bitches