I'll make an exception.

I'm lifting my April Fool's Day hiatus for this item. Enjoy.

NASA Photographs Liquid Water On Mars

Internet Time Out

  I guess I'm a crusty old curmudgeon, but April Fool's day doesn't hold the same amusement that it used to. I'll catch you all on 4/2.

Question #123: Bile Expelled

Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  Why haven't you been screaming off the top of your lungs about this Expelled movie? It looks like something that would really wind you up.
- TooDo0od

Dear TooDo0od,
  Sure enough, I have been keeping a quivering, rage-filled eye on the marketing of Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed. If you've just gotten Internet access in your cave, Expelled is an odious piece of creationist propaganda that purports to uncover a vast conspiracy by "Big Science" that keeps legitimate evidence for "Intelligent" Design out of the science classroom, and ruins the careers of innocent scientists who dare to question the "Darwinist" regime.

  The exploits of the movie's producers are legendary and widely documented. They lied to secure the participation of prominent science advocates like Richard Dawkins, PZ Myers and Eugenie Scott. They prevented Myers from attending a screening, and then lied about why they did it. They've packed screenings with creationist wonks, while trying to exclude legitimate film critics.

  The film appears to be as incompetent as its producers. It quickly abandons its central thesis in favor of a ridiculous (and entirely ahistorical) attempt to blame Charles Darwin for the Holocaust and Stalinism. It tries (and fails) to cast Ben "Bueller..." Stein as a right-wing Michael Moore. It gets wrong basic facts about the scientists whose careers it purports to defend, and about the evolutionary science that it blames for all the world's ills. And apparently, it's an all around amateur mess.

  All of this is tangential, though, to the actual question. Why haven't I weighed in on the controversy surrounding the movie? Why wouldn't I go all head-splodey over a creationist flick that claims scientists are conspiring to keep "Intelligent" Design out of science and science education, and that other researchers are losing their jobs for taking "I"D seriously?

  It's true that the controversy has been thoroughly dissected by just about every blogger with an interest in science or religion. I doubt my contribution to the general chatter will be at all interesting or enlightening. But that's not the real reason. The real reason...

  I wish they were right.

  "Intelligent" Design is a non-testable, non-falsifiable hypothesis, for which not one shred of verifiable evidence has ever been discovered. It's entirely based on the ignorance and misunderstanding of fools, who believe that their inability to comprehend the details of evolution means that their idea must be better. Their whole argument consists of pointing out parts of evolutionary theory that haven't quite been ironed out, and pretending that those wrinkles support their nonsensical alternative.

  Call it Creationism, call it "Intelligent" Design, call it Magic Dancing Deity Jizz - call it whatever you want. It's NOT. FUCKING. SCIENCE.

  I would love it if real scientists had the necessary combination of will, clout and impressive genitalia that it would take to grind this nonsense out of science education once and for all. Every time I read about another school board trying to inject religion into public science education in the guise of a non-existent scientific controversy, I want to take a road trip just so that I can throw up all over the officials responsible. I want to force feed them pages of the Kitzmiller v. Dover opinion, brand the First Amendment on their chests, and then vomit on them until they resign.

  I would also be just fine with the summary firing of any scientist whose grasp of the scientific method is so tenuous that he or she agrees with Creationist arguments as they're currently framed. If you want to be a scientist who believes in "Intelligent" Design, fine. But you damn well better come up with evidence to support your argument, or be willing to check your faith at the laboratory door. Science, REAL science, is all about evidence and examination, and letting other scientists test your conclusions to their limits. If you can't handle that, you're not a scientist, and you should go get a job with the Discovery Institute.

  So there you go. I've held off on mentioning the whole Expelled mess because, in my cold, dark, secret heart, I wish that they had a valid point. If anybody actually read my blog, I'm sure I'd be in for criticism for fueling their righteous fire. (As if these hacks had gathered anything remotely flammable on their own.)

  I'm going to slither off my soapbox now, but I want to say one last thing. Mr. Stein, show us one, ONE piece of evidence, ONE THING that is not a straw man swipe at Darwin or a ridiculous conflation of evolution with genocide. Show us that one piece of evidence, or shut your fucking lie hole.

Necessary Linkage

  Expelled Exposed, a website set up by the National Center for Science Education to counter the lies in the creationist propaganda film Expelled: No Intelligence Allowed.

  I'll be haranguing you about this more thoroughly in the near future. In the meantime, check out Expelled Exposed, and you'll know why I'm foaming at the mouth and biting chunks out of the walls.

Blog Spotlight: Losing My Religion

  Like a lot of atheist agnostic skeptic humanist freethinkers, I didn't just wake up one day with morning wood and the realization that god was kind of a silly idea. I was raised in a church. We went every Sunday. I sang in the choir, performed in plays, and went to camps during the Summer. (We were Methodist, the plain toast of Protestant denominations). While I don't ever remember being wholly enthralled by visions of an omniscient, miracle-slinging, invisible sky-grandpa, it didn't occur to me to really question the idea until long after I'd ceased to be a regular churchgoer.

  Notwithstanding the people who make the most noise on the Internet, the world isn't cleanly divided into true believers and soulless atheists. There are a lot of people who are in the midst of a long fall away from a childhood religion, and there are also nonbelievers who come to (or back to) some religious faith. People on either side of the divide may yell the loudest, but there are plenty of interesting perspectives that fall somewhere in the middle.

  My new favorite representative from the middling masses is frequent Skepchick commenter Improbable Bee. Her blog Losing My Religion tracks her trajectory out of her religious upbringing toward a more skeptical, evidence-based worldview.

  I'm sure that I'm biased because of the direction in which she's heading, but she's talking about it in a thoughtful, articulate way that's very appealing. She's wrestling with more intense versions of a lot of the things I faced, but she's far more insightful than I was. Regardless of your place on the believer-skeptic continuum, it's worth your time to take a look.

Last Day to Register

  In case the small army of volunteers wandering about the city haven't made it out to your dank cave, today is the last day to register or update your voting records if you want to participate in the Pennsylvania presidential primary on April 22nd. This might not be terribly exciting for the Republicans, but Democrats should be peeing their pants in anticipation of the chance to cast a vote in a contested primary for the first time since Jesus created dinosaurs.

  Try not to let the fact that the Democratic nomination is going to be decided by the superdelegates dampen your spirits, guys.

  I find it absurdly fascinating that, in a close contest, where every single vote should theoretically be invaluable, the Democratic party has found a way to make individual voters irrelevant.

More Sad News For Geeks

Arthur C. Clarke, technological prophet and pillar of science fiction, is himself now indistinguishable from magic.

Question #122: Lobby Hobby

Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  How do you spend your time when you aren't being a tool on the Internets?
- Devil in the Details

Dear Devil in the Details,
  Although my voluminous post count belies it, I actually do have interests that don't involve telling strangers how stupid I think they are on the Internet. I like to read, I play a video game or two, and I have a lucrative business waxing badgers for private collectors.*

  The biggest chunk of my non-bastardly day is taken up by my studies. I'm in my second year of law school, which means I spend approximately eleventy million hours a week poring over casebooks.

  As part of my laws school experience, I lucked into an internship with Pennsylvanians For Modern Courts. PMC is a policy group working to reform the judiciary in Pennsylvania, and to educate citizens about how to access and navigate the courts.

  Coincidentally, we just launched a new blog, called JudgesOnMerit.org, which is all about our campaign to replace partisan election of appellate judges with a Merit Selection plan. I'll spare you my pro-Merit screed. I'll just say that I hadn't ever thought about judicial elections before November of 2007. Now I love Merit Selection like a pirate loves booty.

  If you like politics, if you're concerned about judicial fairness, or if you just want to help a bastard out, go take a look at JudgesOnMerit.org. See if you can recognize my writing when I'm not allowed to use profanity.

*You don't want to know how hard it is to get insurance.

I just had a thought...

  Political wonks will no doubt already know that President Bush has spent a little more than a third of his presidency on vacation. He's surpassed the previous record for personal travel by a sitting president, held by modern republican messiah Ronald Reagan.

  Take a minute to think about all of the stupid, appalling, ridiculous, evil shit that has gone on under the current administration. President Bush has managed to accomplish all of that with less time spent in the White House than any president in history. The man is either amazingly, ruthlessly efficient, or he's got an unbelievably motivated cadre of henchpersons. Either way, I think it's obvious that he's some kind of undercover supervillain. I doubt that even Voldemort could do better.

Sciencedebate 2008 Rally in Philly 3/14/2008

Hey, Philadelphia. If you'd like the presidential candidates to stop yammering about which version of god they like best, and start addressing vital science and technology issues, come on out to the Franklin Institute tomorrow and support Sciencedebate 2008!

Our economy is based almost entirely around science and technology. It's time for the people who want to be president to show that they can address these topics.

Sciencedebate 2008!

From the email:

Please join us FRIDAY MARCH 14 at a rally & press conference at the Franklin Institute to promote Science Debate 2008 and make some announcements. The media have been invited.

Climate change, America’s declining economic competitiveness in the new global knowledge economy, declining financial support for college and university students, declining research grants, and mounting scientific and engineering challenges (see Bill Gates’ testimony on our web site) unresolved environmental challenges and healthcare challenges directly affect our lives. We need you to come out and support this initiative.

Who: Shawn Otto and Matthew Chapman from Science Debate 2008 will join Dennis Wint, president of the Franklin Institute, and representatives from the National Academies, the Council on Competitiveness, Drexel, U-Penn, The Scientist, and Chemical Heritage Foundation at a rally and press conference. We want you to come!

When: Friday, March 14, 10:30 AM

Where: Franklin Hall, the Franklin Institute, 222 North 20th Street, Philadelphia

What: Rally & press conference

We hope to see you there!

Spooooky

  If I were of a superstitious bent, I'd find the following coincidence full of some sort of meaning. I'm not sure of what, but meaning nonetheless.

  Two bloggers, one a friend I've known for years, the other I met on the Internet a few months ago. Within 24 hours of each other, they each wrote a post explaining why they don't bother to tag their posts. The God Of Internet must have inspired them somehow.

Best Buddy Flick Evar

  Thanks to Skepchick.org for the heads up. This is without exaggeration the funniest things I've seen in months. If you're easily offended, fuck off. Also, don't watch the movie.

Question #121: Sin Silly

Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  As a post-modern heathen, I find myself terribly bored with the traditional sins. While I'm sure that my soul is irretrievably soiled with the caustic filth of my decadent lifestyle, I find that living like a character in an Anne Rice novel just isn't as fascinating as it was when I was 17. How can I preserve the smear of acidic, putrid ichor that I call a soul, while trying new things at the same time?
- Soul Possessor

Dear Soul Possessor,
  There's good news for those of you who consider the mundane dalliances with lust and sloth to be horribly banal. After 1,500 years, the fun-loving scamps at the Vatican have finally doubled their list of seven deadly sins. The seven newest deadly sins (now 100% deadlier!) are supposed to reflect the moral decline of the modern, secular world. They are, in no particular order:

* Abortion
* Damaging the environment
* Carrying out morally questionable scientific experiments
* Allowing genetic manipulation which alters DNA or compromises embryos
* Dealing or using drugs
* Pedophilia
* Social injustice that causes poverty or
the excessive accumulation of wealth by a few.

  The mind-stomping irony of the last two items notwithstanding, this represents a boon for those of you who are tired of the trite, clichéd evil of the old list. Now you can enjoy the tingly thrill of mocking god every time you don't recycle.

  One only hopes that the church will commission someone to write The Divine Comedy 2: Electric Boogaloo, so that we'll know for certain what eternal punishments await us for each of the new infractions. I can't see the deterrent effect being really powerful unless we know the penalties up front.

New Humanist
Times Online

A Stick Figure Eulogy

The Order of the Stick has a touching tribute to the recently deceased E. Gary Gygax, the founding father of the modern roleplaying game. If I were designing an afterlife, there would definitely be a place for a man whose work brought such joy to so many.

Bob The Dinosaur Is My New Role Model

Dilbert