Ask the Little Bald Bastard

Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  Where the hell have you been for the last three years?
- Nobody Really Cares
Dear Nobody,
  I've been busy. I got married to a backup dancer, had two kids, gained forty pounds, got divorced, started going out in public without panties on, went crazy, checked in and out of rehab a few times, shaved my head, and attacked an SUV with an umbrella.
  Wait, was that me?


  Incidentally, if you haven't seen Craig Ferguson's take on the self-destructive media darling phenomenon, you really should. It's much funnier and more thoughtful than anything I could contribute.