Ask the Little Bald Bastard

Dear Little Bald Bastard,
  Where has all the rum gone?
- Capt. JS

Dear Capt.,
  I used it to host a Pirates Of The Caribbean drinking game. It's very simple; put on the first film of the trilogy, and drink every time someone says the word "pirate." Most of my guests were dead from alcohol poisoning by the end of the second reel.