Dear Little Bald Bastard,
Why won't they let me sleep?
- Fatigued in Fishtown
Dear Fatigued,
They're only after your sweet eye juices. That's what crows need to give them the strength to lift roadkill twice their size. Distract them with a freshly squished opossum, or a plate of mummified ferret. Otherwise, prepare to surrender your precious bodily fluids to the rapacious avian scourge.
Or, just close your window at night.
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